In September 2021, I agreed to move from Oregon to Indiana with whom used to be my wife after she requested to be closer to her family. It turned out to be a lie and she just wanted to become a resident in Indiana to file for divorce.
I feel now that she was already out of the marriage since 2014 when she asked for a divorce for the first time, but turned around when her mother told her how expensive the divorce was going to be in Oregon, especially if I fought against it. Since that 180 degree turn of her, forced by her mother who happens to be a lawyer, she made me believe that we were over whatever issue “we had” and “happily married” afterwards. I was wrong.
Moving to Indiana for a divorce.
We arrived in Indiana around December of 2021 (multiple obstacles, including the pandemic, made it a 3 month move from Oregon to Indiana). In February of 2022, 3 months before becoming a resident, and one week after my birthday, she surprised me by asking me again for a divorce. And I believe that her mother stopped her once again reminding her that we were not residents yet, legally speaking, for the divorce. Money talks, they say around. Paraded me around counselors and marriage counseling programs for months after that.
She finally pulled the trigger on the divorce 12 months ago to this 22nd day, in November 2022, 5 months after we became residents of Indiana. I guess that the counselors and other “programs” to counsel marriage did not work for her (no, seriously?). What a theater performance, and I ate it. Then, 4 months later, I was a divorced man (thanks to my speedy lawyer, by the way), temporarily living with my sister in Delaware while picking up the pieces of the tornado I just went through. She left me homeless, jobless and broke. And had the audacity of saying “I need a considerate and compassionate man.” Hmm, right.
I would be dead if not for my sister, that took me in before the December vortex propelled storms that kills over 106 people from USA and Canada – I could have been one since I would be sleeping in my car then. But does she understand what she did, who know and who cares now?
After the divorce.
The first 6 months after the filing were brutal for me. The pain of the betrayal was to the point of not been able to do much on my career and business. Giving so much for someone that values you so little gives a feeling of self-shame and blame for trusting them. At the end I realized that she did me a favor. Her toxicity was causing my health to deteriorate. My health is returning and my concentration is back.
Now I am getting back on track and am getting ready to re-start this company. I am reaching out to previous clients and contacting new ones. I am no longer in Indiana, or Delaware for that matter, nor is Daca Daguao Digital Design, LLC. We returned to Oregon. And will dedicate our time to grow, expand and become the animation studio I envisioned before I met that individual for whom I paused and derailed my plans thinking I was doing the right thing. I was the non-religious guy that kept fighting for the marriage, while all three religious women (her, her mother and her “best friend”) fought for the divorce. That says all.
It was a bad 16 years long trip and am now learning from what I can describe as a huge mistake. But mistakes are great teachers and masters. And there were plenty of lessons, still find some lessons every now and then when I meditate, something she perturbed intentionally for some of the time we were together, but I got it back. Someone with her self-esteem issues needs to lower others because they cannot raise to one’s levels. And I did not noticed she had that influence on me on time.
I lowered my guard and she bulldozed my plans. Now it is evident that I had a 16 year roommate relationship that I mistook as a marriage. She never left the roommate mentality of college. Maybe a lesson to other men? Watch out for the roommate treatment.
I thought I lost a wife and friend. I did not have either, because I don’t think anymore that she really married me in 2009. She was lonely and needed “someone” in her life. But she betrayed and threw out a husband, loyal friend, carpenter, mechanic, electrician, plumber, farmer, businessman and all around family man. Deprived me of children and called me inconsiderate at the end, and that she needed to find a considerate man.
She kept the house and land that her mother bought, but lost the means of a man to maintain it. I definitely got lucky. I am now free. Maybe I start dating again in the future, but for now, it is time for this animation and design studio to take to the skies and return me to my career.